Inquiring Minds

     I was recently reading a series of articles on a favorite blog of mine and it was mentioned several times the idea of "blog perfect" families.  That all you often get from peoples blogs are the positive highlights of peoples lives.  Which isn't nessecarily wrong.... ...you don't want to broadcast you and your families faults and failures via the web or use it to cut them down.  But while reading homemaking or foodie blogs one can come away discouraged rather that encouraged if you don't keep in perspective that we all have strengths and weaknesses.  Most likely you are getting tips or ideas from that bloggers area of strength.

     Since we adopted our first two.  God has brought many people across our path to pray for and answer questions about adoption (this by no means means we are experts... ...we are still learning everyday!).  As you read our families blog  I am well aware that I mostly give you the positive, happy, and funny clips from our family.  This is for two reasons: 1) I am mostly an optimist and those are the things I most remember and 2) I in no way want to share things that embarrass or tear down my children. 

     However, recently I was writing to a friend who is considering adoption and specifically asking for my thoughts on adopting older children,  and I shared with her some of the more tender and raw moments of this journey. I feel compelled to share my response with you too in hopes they will be encouraging and trust your discretion in sharing them:

My husband and I have claimed Matthew 18:5 "And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me."  From a Biblical stand point and as a Christian Educator I understand and recognize that there are many examples that much of a child's character and "formidable" years are from birth to the time they are weaned (anywhere from 2yr-5yr. during Biblical times).  God also admonishes parents to train a child while they are young.  As far as more "risk" in raising older children....

I agree with you, isn't our God a God of hope?  A great and powerful God?  A God who changes lives?  There are times I think about those examples: Moses and Samuel, to name a couple.  I have to believe that God has a purpose and a plan for my children.  There past was not their fault.  God does command us to look after the orphan and widow.  That does not mean to say that welcoming an older child into your heart and home does not come with its own set of challenges.  Our children are only 19 months apart, but our daughter has had many more struggles that our son has not.  But she has also made tremendous growth healing emotional wounds and fostering attachment with the help of a therapist and the Lord.  

It is not for the faint hearted; but God gives us the strength for what He has called us to do.  The first months were emotionally draining and tough.  There were times I put the kids down for naps and put myself in a "timeout" and just cried out to the Lord "Maybe I'm not meant to be a mother, Lord, maybe that is the reason You've kept me barren, I'm not good at this."   Each time, the Lord picked me up and said "this is my plan for you, keep going".  I have been blessed with a very supportive husband who would make sure that I get a "break" when I needed it.  We openly talk about their birth parents when needed with discreet honesty that is age appropriate with them.  We meet akward or uncomfortable moments with openness and humor.  We are still learning our children and learning how to be the best parents we can be.  I am being candid and honest, hopefully not scaring you off. ( :

With all that being said... ...am a mother to two beautiful children.  I have peace and joy knowing our family is in the center of His will.  Having finalized in January, and God giving us such a smooth legal journey this first time around, my husband and I are anticipating and praying for the next child/children He would have become a part of our family and are LOVING being parents.  From this point on and for the rest of our lives, I know we will be involved with our states Foster children in one way or another.  At this time, we're open to children 4yrs and younger to keep the "birth order" being created in our family.  In the future (decades) we've talked about ministering to older children or teenagers.  It just doesn't seem appropriate for us in this season.  Does that make sense?

If you do get older children I highly recommend the book The Connected Child.  It was a huge asset, that is not to say that I endorse every idea in the book but there is a lot of helpful ideas.  

     Let me close this lengthy post with a few inquires from my daughter in the last month.  I had just finished painting her room and we were returning from finding some cute new accessories for it.  She was talking about how she wanted to sleep on the bottom bunk, was that ok?  I replied the I didn't care which bunk she slept on but that if God brings us another girl she'll need to choose one then (trying to prepare them for additional placements).  She immediately started talking about me having a baby "from my tummy".  Then stopped mid thought and genuinely concerned, asked, "If you had a baby from your tummy, would we keep it?"  Oh, my heart dropped to my stomach!  In her mind she is trying so hard to process why she is not with her birthmom and "how a family works".  What would you have said?  I calmly told her, "If I have a baby from my tummy, of course, we would keep it.  It would be a part of our family forever, just like you and Caleb."

   This week she has been prone to sobbing fits.  I'm still trying to figure out the "why".  After an extremely rough morning, I was working on paper work at the counter.  She came and watched me for a few minutes and then said, "You didn't know that I would be like this..."  I looked at her and asked, "Like what?"  She said, "You know, lying and my attitude..."  Again, heart sinking to my stomach.  I scooped that girl right up in my lap, gently put my hands on both her cheeks so she was looking right at me and said, "Even if you lied to me all the time and screamed in my face all day, I STILL would have adopted you all over again.  There is NOTHING you can do to make me love you more and there is NOTHING you can do to make me love you less.  I choose to love you forever and for always."  Her whole attitude that day changed for the better.  I reitereated that statement again at bedtime. 

     Matthew 18:5 "And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me."